Sunshine, Freedom, and a Little Flower

   Seventeen and a half. Seventeen and a half! That's how many hours I was stuck on that plane with nothing to do but twiddle my thumbs, sleep, and spy on the movies that the cranky lady sitting next to me was watching. My stomach was reacting unhappily to the Malagasy food and water it had been subjected to and my mind was reeling from the incredible summer that was now sadly coming to an end.
  This plane ride was taking me back home. Back to America after spending five weeks in the beautiful, albeit dusty and slightly smelly, country of Madagascar. My team, composed of nineteen wonderful people who just seven weeks ago were complete strangers to me, was scattered throughout the large South African Airlines jet. I was by myself, just me and my thoughts. And my grumpy Texan seat neighbor.
  I don't know if you've ever been on an international mission trip. I had never been out of the country until this past summer. If you have had that amazing opportunity to experience another culture and country, then you'll know what I mean when I say that going overseas changes your life, your perspective, and your previously unchallenged ideas and opinions about life. At least that's what happened to me.
  And to be honest, sitting on that plane, with the sound of the engine softly filling the cabin, I didn't know how to process everything that had happened. I saw God this summer and got to know Him in ways that I never had before. And I didn't know what to think about it all.
  Part of me, the physical part that was tired of being sick over foreign foods, combating (i.e. running away in terror from) disgusting tree frogs, and using Little-House-on-the-Prairie-meets-Africa outhouses, was more ready to go home.
  But another part of me just didn't want to leave the closeness of God I had experienced, my teammates that were now like brothers and sisters, or the sense of purpose that I had found. Would I lose all that when I got back home? How could I ever answer the inevitable "How was your trip?" in just two polite sentences? How did I go back without...well, going back?
  Sighing quietly, I turned off my brain because sometimes that's easier than actually trying to work through questions. I picked up the complimentary airline magazine in a feeble attempt to occupy my mind.
  And there on the back, I found a lovely little jewelry ad with this Hans Christian Andersen quote:  

 " 'Just living is not enough,' said the little butterfly. 'One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.' "

  Is it sacrilegious to say that that one quote spoke to my heart almost as much as any Bible verse that I'd read all summer? Or that "sunshine, freedom, and a little flower" was all my heart really wanted for my relationship with Christ?
 Sunshine- joy, not happiness and rainbows, but joy always filling my heart. Freedom- the ability to be completely myself and know that is why Jesus loves me. And a little flower- a place where I belong, where my soul and my passion to follow Christ are fed, and where I know I'm being used to glorify Him.
   I tore the back cover off the magazine, stowed it in my carry-on, peacefully closed my eyes, and tried to go to sleep. Tried. And failed. Stupid plane.
  I've been back home about five weeks and am rapidly learning that every plan I thought I had for my life can and most likely will be completely turned upside down. I'm learning that trusting God means following him when you have absolutely no clue why, where, or how. I'm also learning that most of the time I just need to shut up and let God speak and act.
  Which is, ironically, why I started a blog!